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by Karen Abrams, MBA, Doctoral Candidate
As the Director of STEMGuyana, I’ve spent years advocating for digital literacy and the integration of technology into education. However, while we encourage young people to embrace technology, we also stress the importance of balance. The digital world is captivating, especially for children, but if parents want their kids to manage their screen time effectively, they need to first reflect on their own habits.
As a parent, I’ve seen how the constant lure of devices can disconnect us from those who matter most. The same technology that is meant to connect the world can create invisible walls between families. It’s easy to point fingers at children and their excessive device usage, but the truth is, if parents don’t set an example, it’s unrealistic to expect kids to do better.
Model the Behavior You Want to See
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a leader, and as a parent, is that children pay far more attention to what we do than what we say. They’re watching us, and we need to model the behavior we want them to emulate. If we’re telling them to put down their video games while we’re scrolling through social media or responding to work emails, what message are we really sending?
In a recent podcast, pediatrician and author Dr Michael Rich stated that the feedback he gets from children is consistent; when asked what their parents could do better, most kids say, “Pay more attention to me” (Rich, 2023). It’s not that they don’t want to engage with their parents—it’s that they feel like they’re not being heard or seen. Their parents are distracted, often by the very devices they are urging their children to put away.
This is backed by research. The study by Radesky et al. (2016) investigated patterns of mobile device use by caregivers during meals in fast food restaurants and its impact on child-caregiver interactions. It revealed that caregivers who were highly absorbed in their devices became less responsive to their children, which often led to various child responses. Some children adapted by entertaining themselves, while others engaged in escalating bids for attention, such as becoming louder or disruptive in an attempt to regain their caregiver’s focus. This lack of engagement during mealtimes, a critical period for bonding, can weaken the emotional connection necessary for children’s social, emotional, and language development. These findings highlight the potential negative consequences of caregiver distraction, emphasizing the importance of mindful mobile device use during interactions with children.
Mentorship in the Digital World
Rather than enforcing strict bans or reprimanding children for their online habits, I encourage parents to take a more engaged approach. Sit down with your child and learn about the digital platforms they are using. Play their games, explore their apps, and understand what interests them. It may seem counterintuitive, but this form of mentorship builds trust and opens the door for meaningful conversations.
I’ve witnessed parents who start by playing games with their children, like Minecraft or even Fortnite, and gradually transition these moments into teaching opportunities. By showing genuine interest in their child’s digital world, parents send a powerful message, I care about what you care about. As a result, children become more open to discussions about healthy online habits. Research by the Pew Research Center supports this, showing that children who feel their parents are involved in their digital lives are more likely to engage in positive online behaviors (Anderson & Jiang, 2018).
Monitoring Without Micromanaging
While mentorship is critical, it doesn’t mean parents should give up their right to monitor their child’s digital activities. Kids often push back against this, citing privacy concerns, but the reality is that children—especially younger teens—aren’t developmentally capable of fully understanding the long-term implications of their online behavior (Kross et al., 2021). As parents, it’s our responsibility to keep an eye on them, not to invade their privacy, but to ensure they are safe.
Monitoring doesn’t need to be invasive. Simply having access to their usernames or setting limits on certain apps can make a big difference. The Common Sense Media report shows that teens now spend over seven hours a day on screens, excluding schoolwork (Rideout & Robb, 2019). Without some degree of monitoring, children are at risk of developing unhealthy digital habits, which can impact their sleep, academic performance, and mental health.
Finally, it should be noted that a joint study by the University of Michigan and Cornell University found that families who engage in more face-to-face interactions report higher levels of happiness and overall well-being (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014). It’s these offline moments that strengthen the bond between parents and children, creating a foundation of trust and understanding.
