A sex positive column that centers womanhood, pleasure, consent and healthy sex lives
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to replace medical care. If you notice changes in your sexual and reproductive health, and well-being, please visit your doctor or nearest health center.
Hey folx! So we’re trying something new with this column: MORNING SEX! Just like morning sex, we want to keep it short, sweet and fulfilling. This is a space to address a range of topics related to sex, reproductive health and relationships. We really want to center womanhood in this space, as a challenge to the accepted norms about what sex means for women, how we negotiate sex, how we take care of our bodies and what we are supposed to find pleasurable. I hope this space can be one that we (with you the reader) can co-create. So your feedback is super important. Email us with your questions and topics you would love to see here.
So let’s dive right in!
Women…how often do you masturbate? How comfortable are you telling your partner what you like? Do you know what you like? Is sex an embarassing topic? How well do you manage your sexual health? Are you comfortable getting a pap smear? Do you know which contraceptive works best for you?
Norms surrounding womanhood and sexuality often means that women experience their sexual lives while navigating shame and stigma. Women have to deal with so many conflicting messages about our bodies and sexuality:
“Make yourself desirable. But not too “fresh” or forward.”
“Wait until marriage. But don’t be *too* virginal for your husband.”
And then when you connect these issues with identities beyond gender (age, ethnicity, religion, profession, etc), it gets even more complex and nuanced.
So I want us to take baby steps in understanding our sexual lives, what it means to be sexual beings, and equipping ourselves to challenge toxic sexual norms (this is important for ALL people no matter their gender identity or sexuality).
I think a key place to start in shifting the narrative on women’s pleasure and sensuality, is getting to know your body. So I’ll share some quick Vagina Facts:
- Actually the correct term is VULVA. What we commonly refer to as the vagina (labia, clitorus, urethra, vaginal opening) is the vulva. The vagina is really the tube that connects your vulva (the external) with your cervix and uterus (internal).
- The labia majora (outer lips) is that part that is covered in pubic hair. The labia minora are inside the outer lips. Labias are like snowflakes: comes in all sizes and shapes!
- The clitoris has 8000 nerve endings.The head of a penis has about 4000.
- Using a vibrator will not cause nerve damage to your clitoris.
- Vaginal orgasms (penetration only) are not common. Only 18% of women report achieving an orgasm from penetration alone. On the other hand 80% of women said that clitoral stimulation led to an orgasm. So give the clit some love!
- The clitoris is actually not pearl shaped but more like a wishbone. What you see is just one small part of the entire clitoris (the rest hidden internally).
- Our typical perception of the hymen is flawed. It is not a piece of flesh covering your vagina. It’s actually more like a scrunchie/hair holder that stretches. And the absence of a hymen does not mean that a person is sexually active.
- Vaginas are supposed to smell like vaginas. Not like flowers or baby powder (don’t use baby powder on your vulva please).
- The vagina does a great job at cleaning itself. No need for sprays, pills, steams or douches.
- Douching is BAD for your vagina. Just stop. Instead of helping, douching can push bacteria further up your vagina and affect your pH balance. If you’re noticing discharge, and/or experiencing pain, itching, discomfort, visit a reproductive healthcare provider. There may be an underlying issue that may need medication or other treatment.
Do you have a topic you’ll like addressed or a question answered? Email us: askmorningsex@gmail.com
Keep reading! Some resources:
Parts of the Female Sexual Anatomy: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/sexual-and-reproductive-anatomy/what-are-parts-female-sexual-anatomy#:~:text=The%20vulva%20is%20the%20part,they%20really%20mean%20the%20vulva.
The Virginity Fraud: https://www.ted.com/talks/nina_dolvik_brochmann_and_ellen_stokken_dahl_the_virginity_fraud?language=en
23 Vagina Facts: https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/vagina-vulva-facts#6
10 Things You Never Knew About the Clitoris: https://www.health.com/mind-body/10-things-you-never-knew-about-the-clitoris
