I will acknowledge that Bharrat Jagdeo is a special kind of politician. It’s what makes him such a beloved figure in Guyana. Guyanese love him, Americans love him. Even the critics love him. Whatever his incarnation, Bharrat the Blow-dryer, or Jagdeo the jive talker, he’s the one to swoon over, one with the golden spoon. The unique feature of Jagdeo is that he does more than tell the people what they want to hear. He tells himself what he wants to hear, what’s his highest priority. Take the elections. He has his predictions and calculations, both trembly concoctions, on the size of the PPP’s victory on September 1st. Trembly, because each time that I hear Dr. Jagdeo’s numbers on how huge his victory will be, I detect a quiver. A shiver in his voice, shaking-and-baking with his figures. If he were a different character, say a beauty contestant, he could have been a sure Miss World winner, year after year.
Right out of the campaign gate, Brother B hit a high note. The PPP by a “landslide.” I love a leader so supremely confident, so assured that he made that kind of guarantee. By any standards in any country, a “landslide” on anything is in the stratosphere. I could safely and authoritatively assert, that such a “landslide” as envisioned (likely dreamt up) by Dr. Jay fell somewhere within the 90-95% category. Now that is some prediction, some victory, and I salute. Applaud, too. In a masterstroke of verbal and mathematical virtuosity, Bharrat Jagdeo vanquished the PNC, AFC, and the other three contestants in the September 1st championship match for all the votes. A landslide of 90-95% accounts for the political competition. And GECOM’s Christman shopping list (bloated and obvious basket case). And absentee voters (still on the fence). And Venezuelan voters (who’s the man for Maduro [and his people] now)? Cash grant voters, dead voters, and unborn voters (with ID cards). Only an imbecile would lose with all those voters for him.
Then, something strange happened. Jagdeo heart skipped a beat, and he skipped a few rungs down his numbers ladder. His earlier “landslide” victory got a touch of bronchitis and ended up in the outpatient department of one of the president’s and Frankie Anthony’s world class hospitals. Landslide didn’t slide under the gurney; it was re-diagnosed as a “big” elections victory. Anybody who is against Jagdeo the Numbers Juggler has to go up against me. What is this “big” victory from this big man? Realistically and arithmetically speaking, a “big” victory is still an astonishing feat in Guyana with multitudes of poor people, but it is not in the 90-95% bucket anymore. Now, it is in the 80-90% bracket. Healthy as a horse, but not thoroughbred healthy as before. I wouldn’t say where Jagdeo and the PPP went wrong. Suffice it for me to assert that somebody did him a terrible wrong, hence his falloff by 10 or more percent (from 90-95% to 80%). Oh well, local politics and elections in Guyana, who understands those, but a sorcerer who is also a sleepwalker and a spellcaster. If there is anyone in Guyana, or from anywhere else, who knows of someone who fits better into that sorcerer-sleepwalker-spellcaster straightjacket than Dr. BJ, please post it on Facebook. I am not there, but don’t care. Just don’t care about me. Now, that it continues to rain hailstones and brimstones on his head, and all the way to the end of July, master election campaigner, Bharrat “the Numbers Juggler” Jagdeo, had to come up with a new rabbit. The elections crowd pleaser didn’t disappoint.
In a spot of elections wizardly that is pure genius, Dr. Jagdeo is now settling for the low gravy of two-thirds parliamentary majority. From landslide to big victory to parliamentary majority is where this Nobel Prize winner ran out of rope. For the less-brighter-than-me, two thirds represent 66%, and because the vice president can be quibbler and hairsplitter, I handover the 0.66 seat that is due to the PPP and he. Everybody used to quarrel with Nigel Hughes and his parliamentary mathematics, now I wait to see what fate befalls Bee Jay, the National Geographic Numbers Bee champion. Looking at this soberly and uncritically, Big Predictor and Calculator, Dr. Bharrat Jagdeo slid from “landslide” (90-95%) to big victory (80-90%), and last to the hustle and consolation of two-thirds parliamentary majority (66.66666%). In the worst-case scenario for the PPP, that is a 30% freefall. Must be Indian migration, going the other way. Regarding where and how Mr. Jagdeo is going to come up with somebody to fill his 0.66% parliamentary seat, there’s Lenny, Kissy, and some other anatomical, political mystery. It’s why I like Jaggy: a jive talker, tightrope walker, and elections fabricator telling himself what he wants to hear.
