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By Mark DaCosta- Last Sunday night’s tragedy at Mahdia has left many Guyanese stunned and numb. This publication is aware that some people may be in a genuine state of grief even though they may not have known the victims. Unfortunately, those people may believe that they have to grieve alone and in secret because society may not recognise the right to grieve for strangers whom one does not know personally. However, experts recognise this type of grief; they call it disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief, also known as hidden grief or sorrow, refers to any grief that goes unacknowledged or invalidated by social norms. This kind of grief is often minimised or not understood by others, which makes it particularly hard to process and work through.
The term disenfranchised grief was coined by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka in 1989. This concept describes the fact that some forms of grief are not acknowledged on a personal or societal level. For example, those around you may not view your grief as real, and they may think you don’t have the right to grieve. They might not like how you may or may not be expressing your grief, and as such, people around you may feel uncomfortable.
According to an expert, “One type of relationship in which disenfranchised grief may occur is one in which the griever and the person who died did not necessarily have a close personal relationship. This includes people that the griever does not know personally at all.”
Guyanese should know that psychologists recognise such grief as real. One, therefore, does not need to feel guilty about grieving the tragic suffering and death of the children in Mahdia.
Experts say that if you are experiencing grief you should do certain things to make the process less painful. You may wish to seek support from family and friends, draw comfort from your faith, and seek the help of a therapist. Meanwhile, it is important that you take care of your physical health, and try to maintain your hobbies or interests. Although the grieving process cannot be hurried — it must run its course — it is important to try to remain healthy so that you can resume a normal life.
Keeping in mind that the process of grief cannot be hurried, it is important that if you are comforting a person who is grieving, that you do not attempt to hurry that person. It is not helpful to tell a grieving person that “it is time to move on.” When the grieving person is ready to move on, he or she will move on.
Finally, while we know that grief is a normal reaction, a major loss may trigger depression — which is not a normal reaction. If you feel suicidal tendencies, this may signal the onset of depression. In Guyana, persons who need help with depression or grief may call 600-7896 at any time of the day or night. The call is free of cost.
