Gossip – the ugly side

Guyanese may be some of the most well versed and experienced people on the issue of gossip – many refer to it as “talking name.” 

Generally, people begin to gossip or talk name during the early high school years, and may continue to do it throughout their lives. Although people may be quite aware that gossip has an ugly, negative side, they continue to do it. Why is that, and how can one rise above talking name? And how did the practice start?

Language experts define gossip as idle talk or conversation particularly about the personal business or private affairs of others. Sociologists believe that the practice started because as early human societies grew larger it became impossible for everyone to meet all at once to share information. As such, talking in small groups served the useful function of passing-on and discussing ideas.

Experts say that the word “gossip” may have been first used in the 1360s. At first that word was a noun only, and referred to the person; “the gossiper.” Later, the word became a verb that meant the content of the idle conversation itself. 

One may ask, if the practice of idle talk had a useful function in early human communities, how can it possibly have an ugly side now?

The answer to that may lie in the nature and content of those conversations; are such idle talks positive or negative? Also, what motivates a person to gossip; is that motivation good or bad?

Dr. Amy Morin studies the harmful acts and effects of bullying among teenagers, and she says that gossip is a major part of it.

Dr. Morin wrote, “Some people have come to accept [gossip] as a normal part of teenage life. But when that drama involves toxic friendships, slut-shaming, and spreading rumors, that is anything but normal. In fact, for those who are impacted, gossip can be downright painful and almost impossible to ignore – especially if social media is being used to spread it.”

Of course, adults too may be victims of harmful gossip. 

Many Guyanese have been hurt by workplace gossip. There is always that toxic colleague who is ready to spread rumors without checking if they are true or false. Such gossip can destroy a victim’s career and future prospects. It can even tear down a good reputation that the victim may have spent a lifetime building up.

Gossip can destroy families. Most people know of the relative who brings news, and carries news – and it is almost always hurtful, negative, and poisonous news. Guyanese are much familiar with how one such toxic relative can drive family members apart.

Experts agree that people who gossip are generally motivated by the need to feel powerful or included.

One psychologist wrote, “Unfortunately, many people like to spread damaging information or intimate details about others, whether true or not. This is what is called gossip. It used to be that people called gossip, dishing the dirt. Whatever it’s called, people use gossip to hurt people, in order to feel good about themselves and to feel like they have power over others.”

Dr. Nayana Ambardekar has said being the victim of hurtful gossip can be harmful to all aspects of health. The expert said that negative gossip has been known to cause depression, panic attacks, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, high blood pressure, eating disorders, and suicide.

How, then, does one avoid or cope with harmful gossip?

First, one must resolve not to get involved in it. Certainly, as normal humans, it is tempting to share juicy bits of information that we may learn. However, we must ask ourselves: am I sure that the information is true, and if I tell other people, could someone be hurt by my words? Perhaps, we need to be reminded of the adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Finally, experts recommend that victims of harmful gossip take action. Such action may include confronting the gossiper, making a complaint to a manager in the workplace, or speaking frankly about the problem with family members. However, at other times, it may be advised to ignore the person who spreads scandals. That is so because, generally, people are smart, and a person who habitually spreads rumours is often seen for who he or she is. Victims of harmful gossip may also seek advice from experts such as social workers, and medical professionals who are trained to deal with such matters.