They are talking about it around the marketplaces. Guyanese are talking about it in the water ferries. Locals are talking and talking about it on the minibuses, the New Bharat Jagdeo Demerara River Bridge (the old one, too). At weddings and wake houses, funerals and post-funeral liquid send-offs to the great unknown. Believe it or not, Guyanese are talking the same thing all over, including by the plush airport and docksides favoured by the seedier side of Guyana. The words start as a whisper, then roar into a crescendo, until they make for one unholy din. Cash grant. Cash grant. Cash grant. We want cash grant. We want cash grant.
Has anybody seen Ali? There is only one at this time, and with that issue burning a hole in the gut and gullet of Guyanese. Mohamed Irfaan Ali, president and doctor, to be accurate (and careful, also). Ah, I discern that he is having the same trouble that has always plagued him since his early High School days. Mohamed Irfaan Ali is a man who gives the impression of being a special talent, one who can come up with a basketful of words (not necessarily his own) and then the problem intensifies, takes off like a rocket. He can’t get beyond the words. He can’t make them come to life, deliver on the great promise that he represents, the greater promises that he makes. Need I say, cash grant for the umpteenth time? It is tiring. It is nauseating. It may get on the nerves of Dr. Ali, and there is no knowing how he will react, how far off the deep end he will go. Me, I know my place and mind my manners. Especially when around big people with big positions.
Only a serial exaggerator and a conspicuous hyperventilator would commit to something that he knows that he cannot deliver. Or, to take matters to the extreme, that he had some internal reservations about putting on the table. A classic case of the usual overpromising and underdelivering. It wouldn’t be the first instance that Guyana’s head of state has lost his head and then leave it to kindly citizens like me to hand his head back to him. It is not a job that I look forward to, wish that there were others in Guyana to whom this patriotic duty could be passed. Indeed, those to whom much is given, much is asked. So, I tarry on, through sturm und drang.
In spending some more time and energy on this cash grant sequence, I must confess that it ranks with any Alfred Hitchcock suspense horror. Maybe this one will have a sweet and happy ending, with Dr. Mohamed Irfaan Ali breaking his self-imposed silence and surprising all Guyanese clustering around his Facebook page, and ready to hang on to his every word. All they ask for are three little ones, for starters. Cash grant coming. The Department of Propaganda Innovators (DPI) would then be free to say how much, when, and where. Guyanese can then rush off to their friendly neighborhood loan shark and strike him up for a cash grant advance. Some may have already done so, but where the money went, they cannot say. Just like some of those slush fund billions (miscellaneous and contingencies) that go into ministries and Office of the President and are never heard from again. If those funds were missing persons, the Guyana Police Force would have a file thicker than the 2022 census report, and likely in the same unconvincing state.
Ever seen a cash grant announcement or a stimulus check, cause such a frenzy, drive ruling politicians to antics and push the people to hysterics? I haven’t until now. But welcome to Guyana, the universal oil nirvana, and get used to developments such as this cash grant one. What else is new? What else can be expected in a burg like this Guyana? There is Dr. Irfaan Ali, whose job description (according to his interpretation) calls for him to be president part of the time, an actor and performer most of the time, and a bluffer and pretender all of the time. It is a nice job, if one can get it. To be paid for it has to be the sweetener in the porridge.
All that is well and good. But I remind Excellency Ali that he is a president and not studying in a seminary to be a priest. He can take a vow of silence, but that doesn’t commit the poor of Guyana to a vow (and life) of poverty. Let’s hear it for a cash grant. Let’s hear hip, hip hooray for Pres. Ali. For he’s a jolly good fellow, a jolly good fellow. A cash grant must have been announced. Happy holidays, Guyanese.
