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By Mark DaCosta- Aging is an inevitable part of life, and many adult children have had to come to terms with caring for an elderly parent. Experts say that taking on the role of caregiver is always challenging. However, many approaches may be adopted that can mitigate challenges, and make the process not only easier, but rewarding. Guyanese should consider the matter because more likely than not, many people will have to deal with it.
Guyanese have been known to express the view that Caribbean people usually remain part of their parents’ lives as parents get older. It has also been said that on the other hand, in developed countries such as the United States (US), adult children take far less interest in their aging parents. Often, it is said that those children either exit the lives of their parents, or place a parent in an assisted living facility (nursing home). This practice is generally frowned upon in Guyana. The word “abandon” is sometimes used.
There may be some truth to that perception. Owing to cultural, economic, and social differences between developed and less developed countries, family dynamics may vary. For example, in some advanced societies, a child is expected to leave their parents’ home as soon as he or she becomes a legal adult. That is not the local majority experience. As such, in Guyana, in many instances, multiple generations of a family may live in a single Guyanese household. In fact, locally, a family is often viewed as a wide, extended unit; in the US, for example, a family may be defined in a more narrow way.
This local dynamic clearly has an impact on the manner in which aging parents interact with adult children. Additionally, while many studies have been done on this issue in developed countries, owing to real differences between advanced societies and developing ones, such as Guyana, the results of such research may be of limited – although not zero – value to Guyanese. As a result, we may wish to consider some matters – including how aging parents interact with children – in our own context.
First, regardless of context, medical experts say that it is rare for a person to transition from being independent to being deceased. Due to this fact, a person – most likely elderly – will need assistance due to medical and other issues associated with getting older.
Second, an aging parent is most likely to begin to need help from an adult child (or children), when that child is going through the stressful process of retirement, or changing jobs. That statistical reality may lead to stress, strained relationships, and general hostility and other problems.
Third, another source of emotional strain is the inevitable change of the power dynamic when the child becomes the caregiver. There may be a son-in-law or daughter-in-law involved.
Fourth, an aging parent who lives alone, but who may begin to need help, may resist going to live with a child – although the child may be happy to accommodate the parent. That resistance by the parent is often due to the fact that an aging person values independence, and does not want the status quo to change.
In closing, it may be noted that considering the range and depth of issues and challenges that may be caused by the necessity of caring for an elderly parent, it is quite amazing that Guyanese have largely been doing it for generations. Perhaps that may be a testament to the basic cohesive and cooperative nature of the Guyanese family.
In Part II of this series, points and tips that make caring for a parent easier will be listed.
